FAMILY TIME: My Close Encounter with Empty Nest Syndrome

WHAT WOULD you do if you were given a wonderfully unexpected afternoon off from staying home with the kids?

Until yesterday, I would have imagined that I’d have a long list of satisfying and relaxing “me” things to do. As it turns out, I was wrong.

Yesterday, my out-of-town in-laws treated me to an afternoon off. Just what I needed -- or so I thought.

What did I do? After a wonderful massage at Massage Envy, I returned home without a plan. I had some errands I could run, but I wasn’t really prepared for those. I sat down with the mail and started paying bills and working on our new family budget.

What was I doing? This was supposed to be time off. Think Jen. How can I treat myself? I put away the productive stuff and checked Facebook. I did some web surfing and then was filled with remorse for wasting a half hour of time off. The pressure was mounting. What does one do with me time?

I was tempted to dive into the laundry or organize the garage. Again, not me time! Me, me, me… how could I do something for me? In the end, after spending three hours dabbling on the outskirts of productivity, I had to admit it.

I had nothing going on in my life to go to that is just about me. Without the kids and our routine, I was lost.

I had short-term empty nest syndrome!

In the end, I watched a (truly!) satisfying Oprah about living an authentic life – a good message for my mood. And then I took a long, hot shower, which really is a treat.

In all, the afternoon was still a success. It was a much-needed change of pace and some time to slow down and relax. And, for better or worse, I got some things done. I am very grateful for the time. But in a very unexpected way, it really got me thinking.

I need more in my life that is about me. I am so consumed with caring for the kids, the dog, the house and catering to my husband’s schedule that I’ve lost a little of myself. I didn’t have a plan yesterday because I’m so immersed in the day-to-day that I never even imagine what I’d do if I had any time. Hmmm. Maybe I need to work on this.

Actually, this isn’t a total revelation. My husband and I both recognize how important it is for both of us to have some time to ourselves. We’re working on establishing some “time off” for each of us.

But clearly, it’s one thing to have the time. It’s another to use it in a way that helps refresh my spirit and renew my sense of self. So, what is a parent to do to maximize their precious “me” time? I did some asking and poking around. Here are some ideas:

Take a class: If you’re concerned about not taking your time off, a class is the way to go. Whether it’s a yoga, pottery, guitar or karate class; or courses to support a new career ambition, registering for a class gives you a commitment to keep. Some local colleges and universities offering a wide range of classes include:

•  Northwest University; http://www.northwestu.edu/leap/.
•  Lake Washington Technical College; http://www.lwtech.edu/Academics/Continuing_Education.html.
• Cascadia Community College; http://www.cascadia.edu/default.aspx.
• Bastyr University; http://www.bastyr.edu/continuinged/.

Volunteer: Another way to get your head out of your own day-to-day is to focus on others. So, why not volunteer? Non-profits rely on volunteers to keep their costs down and to contribute time, talent and expertise to make their organization thrive. The city of Kirkland has an active volunteer program and many needs. So, choose a cause that means something to you and ask how you can help.

Love animals? Volunteer at a local animal shelter such as . Want to focus on your faith? Get involved at your church. Have experience in events? Help organize a fundraiser for an organization you care about. Want to learn more about books, wine, herbs, gardening or food? See if there’s a way to assist a local small business. Your time will be well appreciated and you will enrich your life more than you can imagine.

Exercise: Exercise has always been my go-to “me” time and this is what I should have done yesterday. There’s something about getting my heart thumping that either clears my brain or at least helps me organize my thoughts. Years ago, I would strap on my roller blades or set out on foot for hours-long explorations through parks, along trails or through new neighborhoods. These days, I’m more likely to hit a yoga class or simply jump on a cardio machine. But the effect is the same. What’s good for the body is good for the brain. Exercise restores, strengthens, energizes and renews. It’s good.

My sister, a stay-at-home mother of three is religious about her gym time. With kids in the gym child care, it’s her “me” time. These days, she’s taken it a step further and signed up with a bunch of mom-friends to train for a half-marathon. It’s brilliant, really. Not only will she achieve a personal goal and get herself in shape, throughout the next four months as she trains, she has a built-in schedule of mandatory “me” time.

Nurture a hobby: There’s something about working with your hands that can be so restorative. The benefit of most hobbies is that they can keep you company throughout your life. And depending what your hobby is, you can often pick it up without much preparation – whether for just a few minutes or for a whole day. So, would-be photographers, stop using the phone camera and dig out that SLR. Dust off the sewing machine and start the quilt you were thinking about once. Pull out the knitting needles and learn how to make a hat for the baby in your life. Or, pull out your cake decorating supplies and learn how to create something wonderful. Just do something that will make your heart sing.

I have one friend who heads to the coffee shop once a week. Sometimes she meets friends, sometimes she pulls out her Kindle and loses herself in a good book. Regardless, she’s out of the house and away from distractions and reminders of what she has to do for everyone else.

I’m looking forward to planning my own weekly “me” time – which will certainly incorporate a combination of these ideas. And on the off chance that I get the wonderful surprise of some unexpected time off again, I’m going to keep a wish list going of things I want to do when I get the chance: movies to see, books to read, interests to pursue, shops to check out, places to explore, even old friends to call and catch up with.