MOM'S TALK: Finding Precious Moments of Me-Time

WHEN I read it, I just had to laugh.

“Being a stay at home mom has made me appreciate things like going to the dentist. You get to sit and be by yourself for an hour!” It was the Facebook status of Kelly Ranalli, a friend and Kirkland mom.

Mine was a laugh of recognition -- of validation. The comments she got showed I wasn’t alone.

“I show up early to read the magazines… feels like a mini vacation.”

“I was just looking forward to my eye appointment.”

“I always tell my dentist to take his time. It’s a mini vaca for me.”

The night before, I had commented to my husband that one of the most relaxing hours in my past couple weeks was when we had family in town and I slipped out – alone – to the . I had been unprepared for what a calming and revitalizing experience it would be. I bought myself a latte, and set about cruising the aisles to seek out the items on my list.

Seems simple, right? That’s just it. It was!

For the first time in forever, I actually got to go at my own pace, read labels if I wanted and focus my attention on one single thing at a time. No worries about who was climbing in or out of the cart. No thought about new products being added to my pile. No concern about making too much noise or too much mess. No race to get it done before anyone melted down. And no extra bags or people to carry.

It was calm, it was light, it was productive and I was just me. Original, single, solitary me. It was fantastic.

Turns out, I’m not the only one who feels that way about solo trips to the grocery story.

I managed to slip out this past weekend to run a few quick errands kid-free. First stop: the dry cleaners.

“No kids today?” the friendly dry cleaning lady asked. “That’s a treat. Go cruise the aisles at the grocery store. And enjoy it. Finding time doesn’t get easier when they get older. Then, they call you.”

Wow. I hadn’t realized finding moments of me-time was such a common problem. It made me think.

What was so special about that hour at the grocery store?

First, I could focus my attention on one thing at a time. Something I can never do on mama duty. The mental focus was almost meditative.

Second, I was out of the house: No piles of laundry begging for a bath, no dirty dishes or unopened mail coaxing me back into reality. I had time off mentally, as well as physically, even if I was getting things done.

Third, it was something I used to do before I had kids, so it was easy to slip back into “just me” mode.

THE REALITY, though, is that a trip alone to the grocery store – or even the dentist – is hard to come by. But if the effect of these “mini vacas” is so important to us that we’re talking about them days, weeks, even months later, how can we get more?

On a day-to-day basis when I don’t have any built-in me-time, I find myself stealing time for a few moments here and there. I’ll slip off while the kids are playing to check Facebook or linger over the day’s mail, flipping through a magazine. I’ll make myself more lattes than I need – just for the sheer pleasure of the creamy indulgence.

I must admit that while I do love the bonding of nursing, the time sitting in a comfy chair with a good book and my snuggle bug silent and happy is too good to give up.

All of these moments get me by, but I crave higher quality me-time that doesn’t make me feel like I’m slacking off. It’s not that I feel guilty taking time off. Everyone needs time off and primary caregivers are notorious for getting (or taking) far less time than they need to stay sane. It’s just a matter of making good, quality me-time a priority. And for me, that probably means activities that allow me to focus mentally, return to the “me” inside the mom and avoid the distractions of the house.

“Running, yoga, night out with other moms, trip to the book store,” replied Kelly when I asked her what she does for me-time in between her dentist appointments. “Those are some of my favorites to recharge!”

One of my favorites is heading to , where I belong. With great child care options, it’s easy to step away mentally and take time for me.

I’ve been trying to carve out better me-time at home, as well. For example, recently, I’ve been trying to wake up an hour or two before the kids. Even though I’m not at all a morning person, I get so energized from those first quiet minutes of the day. And the coffee somehow tastes even better. This is the time I typically spend writing or doing other freelance work, but I dream of one day spending some of this time doing yoga.

And then there are books. Reading has become much more important to me lately. Movies, too. Although I find it much harder to carve out two hours – and then stay awake! I also enjoy getting wrapped up in an organization project. (Too bad cleaning doesn’t do it for me.) Even a good weeding project can help me slip the confines of the daily to-do list and sail into my own little world.