The Mommy Quandary: How Can I Do it All?

IF THERE'S any natural resource in short supply in this world, especially the world of a mom, it is time.

It’s an age-old problem. But I’ve got to believe that it’s made so much worse by our modern, do-everything, conquer-everything, know-everything society. We are bombarded by messages–from magazines, TV, radio, social media, even each other–about all of the different things we should be doing to be the best we can be.

You know The List. If it’s not hanging on your fridge or itemized in your Outlook, then it’s probably hanging around somewhere in the back of your brain, gnawing at you. If you have any question, here is an excerpt from The List in the back of my brain (including annoying brain commentary):

1. Sleep at least 7 (uninterrupted – ha!) hours.
2. Shower, dress, brush, floss … look good (not for anyone else, of course, for you. Right!).
3. Get the kids bathed, lotioned, dressed, brushed and otherwise primped (it’s an evolutionary marvel that moms have not sprouted extra hands over the years).
4. Make sure everyone has clean (read: laundry) clothes for the appropriate age/season/occasion.
5. Prepare three healthy meals and three healthy snacks per day (remember, every bite counts! Ugh).
6. Eat (and make sure you get the appropriate amounts of water, calcium, fruits and veggies, protein, and that the food you buy is fresh, local, not genetically altered. Oy!).
7. Exercise! At least 30 minutes of cardio a day, plus weight training to avoid bone loss, core strengthening, stretching, etc. (um, does putting on the workout clothes count?).
8. Keep the house neat and clean, free from clutter, well stocked and looking good (oh, if I could get there and keep it that way for more than a few minutes…).
9. Parent. Supervise, talk, hold, hug, read, play, teach, model, lead, follow (this I’m good with).
10. Bonus: Everything from gifts, bills, groceries, plants, doctors, dentists, cards and birthday parties, to the dog, grandparents, voting, vitamins, haircuts, RSVPs, work-work, reading, taxes, finances, talking to people, processing mail, date nights, sex and having a social life (hmmmm…).

THE LIST weighs on me. It seems like there’s got to be a way to do it all. If only I were more organized or more disciplined. The list speaks to me from deep within, pointing to the overflowing laundry basket, the lightly used gym card or the fact that I haven’t flossed this week, and saying, “Do better!”

Hopefully you’re different. Hopefully you realize the list of expectations we as a society have created for ourselves is impossible to achieve. Hopefully you’ve picked what you’re going to prioritize and have let go of the rest, accepting–no, embracing–the fact that we only have 24 hours each day and the list demands much more. We cannot be slaves to the list. We must be masters of our own time.

I haven’t quite gotten there. It’s not that I really care what “society” says, but I want to get it right and somehow that means trying to get everything right. And yet, with my attention divided among so many priorities, it seems like I’m always behind.

I know I can’t do it all. My mind accepts it. But being a lifelong high-achiever, I’m not good at saying, “I can’t do that.” Because I can. I can do all of those things. Really well.

In isolation.

But happily, I don’t live in isolation. I live a chaotic, complicated, people-filled, over-stimulated, imperfect but happy life.

I need to embrace that for the first time in my life, as a mom with more than myself to focus on, I cannot control everything. And I certainly cannot conquer it. What I can do is get a lot better at saying, “I’m not going to do that. And that’s OK.”

Life is too complicated these days, for so many reasons. Thankfully, women today have an endless number of opportunities and choices. But that makes it a lot harder, too. In choosing, we have to say no to something. We have to say, “I’m not going to do that.” We see other people who are making different choices and it feels as though, rather than choosing, we are in some way failing. And that can be hard.

But I’ll get there. Because also on my list is to be graceful and grateful, to enjoy life and to be present as I go about my day. I want to do less, only more fully.

We’ll see. For now, I have to work on letting go of the bully-list loitering in the back of my brain and start building my own. I’m not sure what it will look like, but the journey to a simpler me will be a good one.

What about you? What do you do to be master of your time? How do you simplify? What do you say no to?